Text Messages of Doom
by Kickwarp
Summary: The Autobots and the Decepticons get acquainted with texting. What could go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

**Grammar mistakes are deliberate. **

* * *

Optimus: Asians, transform, and roll out!

Arcee: Asians?

Optimus: What?

Bulkhead: U sent us Asians…

Optimus: I meant Asians.

Optimus: I mean a-t-o b-o-t-s

Optimus: Asians

Optimus: AUTO BOT

Optimus: I am sorry…

* * *

Knock Out: Bread own, have my buffer ready. My paint has been a bit messed up by the two-wheeler.

Breakdown: Bread own?

Knock Out: I mean breakdowns

Knock Out: BREAKDOWN

Breakdown: I hope their aren't clones of me somewhere in your berthroom

Knock Out: My berthroom?

Breakdown: Would explain why your always in there

Knock Out: I am not attracted to mechs.

Breakdown: I meant like playing board games…

Breakdown: You perv

* * *

Starscream: I'm waiting for you, on my berth.

[Insert picture here]

Starscream: Do you like my provocative pose?

Megatron: Starscream…what are you doing?

Starscream: I'm waiting for you, sweetspark.

Megatron: Who were these texts directed to?

Starscream: Oh, wait

Starscream: LORD MEGATRON!

Starscream: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO AIRACHNID!

Starscream: DELETE THOSE!

Starscream: FOR THE SAKE OF MY DIGNITY!

Megatron: Too late…I've forwarded them to everyone on my warship.

Megatron: And the Autobots. ;]

* * *

Megatron: Soundwave, status report.

Soundwave: ;D

Megatron: What?

Soundwave: ^.^

Megatron: I see you aren't talking, even in written words.

Soundwave: :D

Megatron: Is everything all right? Is Starscream still cooperating?

Soundwave: :/

Megatron: Yes, or no?

Soundwave: :L

Megatron: Sort of?

Soundwave: :D

Megatron: Good. What about the Predacon?

Soundwave: :O

Megatron: What?

Soundwave: :P

Megatron: I cannot understand what you are trying to say.

Soundwave: :/

Megatron: I have given up.

Soundwave: :L

* * *

Starscream: Soundwave! Where is Knock Out? He put a bomb in my arm!

Soundwave: XD

Starscream: WHERE IS Knock Out?!

Soundwave: :P

Starscream: Talk to me, Soundwave! WHERE IS THE BLASTED MEDIC?

Soundwave: :) =========

Starscream: What?

Soundwave: =========

Starscream: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

Soundwave: =================================

Starscream: I don't know what you mean, Soundwave!

Soundwave: :X

Starscream: Oh.

Starscream: Your Vow of Silence is keeping you from talking to me?

Soundwave: :D

Starscream: Curse you, Soundwave…

* * *

_Stupid? Dumb? Cliche? Review, and tell me how bad it is! _

_If you're going to flame, please at least be a registered user._

_If you liked it, feel free to leave suggestions! My mind may be infinite, but a lot of it is locked away in vaults most of the time._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you, reviewers, favoritors, and followers. I appreciate your support, and I am glad that I amuse you.**_

* * *

**Kickwarp does not own Transformers Prime. **

**She does, however, own a Decepticon insignia, which she wears everywhere.**

**And she will someday become Ruler of the Universe, and take all of your cake.**

**If you want to flame, please be a registered loser-er, user.**

* * *

_These texts are not all from the same seasons._

* * *

Knock Out: Screamer…guess what.

Starscream: What is it now, Knock Out?

Starscream: I have enough problems as it is already.

Knock Out: The Predacon is Hitler.

Knock Out: You should come back before it tears our warship apart.

Starscream: Do you know who Hitler was?

Knock Out: Hitler? Wasn't he that human that made life Pit for the other humans or something?

Starscream: You know your human history…quite well.

Knock Out: HAHAHA! I CALLED THE PREDACON HITLER!

Knock Out: I MEANT HUNGRY!

Starscream: …That was a mistake? I thought it was fitting.

Starscream: My life is as horrible as ever with that beast around.

Starscream: No, Lord Megatron is Hitler in this situation.

Starscream: Don't tell him I said that or I'll have your paint.

* * *

Knock Out: THAT BLASTED PRIME RIPPED MY DICK OF!

Knock Out: IT'S SO HARD TO REPLACE!

Ratchet: Uh…is this a Decepticon?

Knock Out: I NEEDED THAT, YOU STUPID AUTOBOT!

Ratchet: …

Ratchet: Are you referring to your interface appliance using human slang?

Knock Out: I MEANT DOOR! HE RIPPED OFF MY DOOR!

Knock Out: I AM INCOMPLETE!

Knock Out: WITHOUT MY DICK!

Knock Out: DOOR!

Knock Out: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I'M TALKING TO!

* * *

Optimus: Ratchet, open the ground beef.

Ratchet: What?

Optimus: We require a ground beef.

Ratchet: Do you mean a ground beef?

Ratchet: *bridge

Optimus: …Yes, old fried.

Optimus: Friend.

Optimus: Is there any way to turn this autocorrects off?

* * *

Starscream: How are you this fine evening, Airachnid?

Starscream: Do you want to 'play' with me?

Starscream: Have some 'fun' time in my quarters?

Steve: Who is this?

Starscream: Wait, who is this?

Steve: My designation is ST3V3.

Starscream: IGNORE THOSE TEXTS!

Starscream: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?

Steve: Are you going out with Airachnid, Commander?

Steve: Because, if you are, I will mention that her number redirects randomly to any Cybertronian in the vicinity.

Starscream: How do you know?! You're a drone!

Steve: I made a mistake once.

Steve: I sent her some questionable texts.

Steve: They went to Optimus Prime.

Steve: Shit's evil.

Steve: *She's evil.

* * *

Shockwave: Megatron, the formula is almost computer.

Megatron: Computer?

Shockwave: I meant polluted.

Shockwave: Computer.

Shockwave: Complained.

Shockwave: Completed.

Megatron: I…see.

Shockwave: This auto car is not logical.

Shockwave: I will room it immensely.

Shockwave: Never mind.

* * *

Breakdown: Soundwave, where are you? Megatron wants you

Soundwave: :(

Breakdown: What's wrong?

Soundwave: :L

Breakdown: Are you ok?

Soundwave: :C

Breakdown: Where are you?

Soundwave: :O

Breakdown: Huh?

Soundwave: :P

Breakdown: I don't understand you.

Soundwave: :X

Breakdown: Just talk to me.

Soundwave: :S

Breakdown: Pretty please?

Soundwave: DX

Breakdown: Do you have Laserbeak with you?

Soundwave: :/

Breakdown: …I'll tell Lord Megatron that your going through a hard time.

Soundwave: :P

* * *

Dreadwing: Lord Megatron, Starscream is constipated, and I require a groundbridge back.

Megatron: He must have had some bad Energon.

Dreadwing: What?

Megatron: If he has to expel it, and it won't come out.

Dreadwing: I do not know what you speak of.

Megatron: You told me Starscream is constipated.

Dreadwing: Constipated?

Dreadwing: I meant the Autobots shot him down. Starscream has been captured.

Megatron: Oh.

Megatron: That's too bad, really…

Megatron: Being captured is one thing. Having Energon problems is another.

Megatron: And making Starscream lose all the dignity he never had makes me feel happy.

* * *

_Like it? Hate it? Review!_

_Feel free to leave suggestions! I'm not a magical pony horse Unicron thing with purple eyes and an infinite list of ideas._

_I'm just a Decepticon with a keyboard...and a stunning paintjob._


	3. Chapter 3

**Only flames welcome are ****those of Predaking.**

* * *

Bulkhead: Hey Arcee, do you know where Ratchet put my lob butt?

Arcee: What?

Bulkhead: Ratchet took it, and hid it away when I wasn't looking.

Arcee: Do you mean lob ball?

Bulkhead: Yeah, I just said that.

Arcee: You said lob butt.

Bulkhead: Oh

Bulkhead: Oops

* * *

Starscream: Airachnid? Is this you?

Knock Out: Yes.

Starscream: Really?

Knock Out: Why wouldn't I be?

Starscream: Some drone told me your number redirects, but I think I've corrected it now. How are you?

Knock Out: Looking fine, sweetspark. I took the doctor's buffer, and my paint is looking marvelous. Just for you.

Starscream: You might want to pretend it wasn't you.

Starscream: I took it once and blamed it on someone else.

Knock Out: Really? Who?

Starscream: That drone they call 'V3C70R'. His spark was torn out.

Starscream: And then his frame was taken apart, and put in a box.

Knock Out: What is your favorite part of your frame?

Starscream: Ah, my frame. I love my frame.

Starscream: My pedes. Without the extra parts, I would probably be as short as Knock Out.

Knock Out: You don't like Knock Out, I assume?

Starscream: Well, I admit, his attitude is one thing, but his look is another…

Starscream: I get jealous very often around him. His paint is a lovely hue of red, and contrasts nicely with those optics of his.

Starscream: Please don't tell him I said that.

Starscream: Hello? Where did you go?

Knock Out: I'm sorry. I had to write a revenge plan, and then lie on the floor and die of laughter.

Starscream: What? Revenge plan?

Knock Out: I'm not Airachnid, Screamy…you just told the most stunning mech on the ship that you're jealous of him, and took his buffer.

Knock Out: And I never knew that you actually liked your high heels.

Knock Out: You're never going to live this down.

Knock Out: Megatron will be tickled.

Knock Out: And then I'll rip your frame apart for stealing my buffer.

Knock Out: Hello?

Knock Out: Did you glitch?

* * *

Shockwave: Predaking, I require to know your location.

Predaking: My wifi

Shockwave: Pardon?

Predaking: Very limited wifi

Shockwave: Your wireless connection to the human web?

Shockwave: Do you not have built-in transmitter that connects to our communications line?

Predaking: My kind was not

Predaking: Civilized, we would

Predaking: Have no need for comm

Predaking: Unications

Predaking: Apart from roaring

Predaking: Across long distances

Shockwave: I see.

Shockwave: McDonalds has a good wifi connection.

Shockwave: But do not allow the humans to see you.

Shockwave: Never mind, just return to the Nemesis. That will be the most logical course of action.

Shockwave: Next to McDonalds.

* * *

Megatron: Soundwave, I am a potted plant.

Soundwave: ?

Megatron: Do not question me.

Soundwave: ?

Megatron: The Autobots have hacked into our communications link, including these text messages.

Soundwave: :O

Megatron: And I am a potted plant.

* * *

Starscream: Master, where is the ship?

Megatron: Oh, Starscream…you'll never know.

Starscream: Lord Megatron! Are you hiding from me?!

Megatron: No. I am punishing you.

Starscream: FOR WHAT?!

Megatron: Why did you even bother to ask that question, Starscream?

Starscream: I have done nothing wrong!

Megatron: Allow me to bring up my databank here…

Starscream: Wait, what?

Megatron: You've attempted to overthrow me so many times that somebody stopped counting at one hundred thousand. And that's not even recent.

Starscream: Master, I swear that I will never turn against you again! I am your faithful servant!

Megatron: Too late, Starscream. Have fun finding us.

Starscream: MASTER! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

Megatron: Oh, but I can. :P

* * *

Airachnid: Soundwave! I will get back at you for sending me to this wretched moon!

Soundwave: :D

Airachnid: I WILL OFFLINE YOU AND KEEP YOUR HEAD AS PART OF MY COLLECTION AFTER I SUCK ALL THE ENERGON OUT OF YOUR BODY!

Soundwave: :O

Airachnid: Let me know how you feel about that.

Soundwave: XD

Airachnid: What?

Soundwave: XDDDDDD

Airachnid: Is that supposed to mean something?

Soundwave: :P

Airachnid: I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL KILL YOU!

Soundwave: 9_9

Airachnid: SPEAK TO ME, SOUNDWAVE!

Soundwave: :D

Airachnid: Forget Arcee, you're my new arch-enemy.

* * *

**I'm a flying chow-chow. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Maybe I should start seeing my counselor again.**

* * *

Starscream: Lord Megatron! Have you seen this preposterous human quote?! 'Flying is for birds'

Megatron: So what, Starscream?

Starscream: It should be, 'Flying is for Seekers'! Not organic animals! What slag is this?!

Megatron: Really, Starscream?

Starscream: Really what?

Megatron: I've probably given you too many beatings. Your processor is obviously damaged.

Starscream: Now YOU sound insane. Rethinking beating me? I believe you're out of YOUR processor, Lord Megatron!

Megatron: Maybe replacing you entirely will suffice.

Starscream: Just because I expressed outrage over a HIGHLY INCORRECT HUMAN QUOTE?!

Megatron: You should learn to not overuse the exclamation marks.

Starscream: I AM FINDING A NEW BEST FRIEND!

Megatron: Starscream, I am not your best friend.

Megatron: I'm not even your friend.

Megatron: I'm barely your ally, for Primus' sake.

* * *

Starscream: Soundwave, I need you to mobilize the Vehicon troopers.

Soundwave: :(

Starscream: Oh, not this again.

Soundwave: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

Starscream: For the love of Primus and the Allspark…HOW DID YOU DO THAT?! I DEMAND TO KNOW! I MUST MASTER THE WAYS OF THESE EMOTICONS!

Soundwave: :P

Starscream: SOUNDWAVE!

Soundwave: :D

Starscream: Wait, emoticon…emotiCON.

Soundwave: 9_9

Starscream: I must go and tell Lord Megatron that we may have a new army to recruit!

Soundwave: -_-

* * *

Miko: Our fridge is a Decepticon!

Jack: What?

Miko: It is!

Jack: Why would our fridge…

Miko: Did u do something to it?

Jack: How could I turn our fridge into a Decepticon?

Miko: Decepticon? OUR FRIDGE IS A DECEPTICON?!

Jack: No, Miko, it isn't. Read the first text.

Miko: Oh. I meant disgusting mess.

Jack: Why do you have Decepticon on your autocarrot?

* * *

Knock Out: I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky!

Breakdown: Really?

Knock Out: No. It's a song.

Breakdown: Good. Else I would be alone on the ground

Knock Out: And I would be stuck with Starscream in the air. Uuuughhh.

Breakdown: I can fly.

Knock Out: No, you can't.

Breakdown: I am a bird

Breakdown: DO NOT DOUBT MY POWERS OF BIRDNESS

* * *

Starscream: Hello? Is this Airachnid?

Airachnid: Yes.

Starscream: Really?

Airachnid: Yes. Don't you trust me, Starscream?

Starscream: IMPOSTER! YOU AREN'T AIRACHNID! YOU ARE AN IMPOSTER! AIRACHNID NEVER EXISTED! THIS WAS ALL A PLOY TO GET ME TO SPILL MY SECREEEEEETS!

Airachnid: Starscream?

Starscream: WHY DOES EVERYONE LIE TO MEEEEEEEE?

Airachnid: Uh…

Starscream: FRAG EVERYTHING! I WILL JUMP OFF THE NEMESIS WITH MY WINGS TIED! MY LIFE IS WORTHLEEEEESS!

Airachnid: Call a suicide hotline. I hear they make your problem worse, and make you want to give yourself up for dissection.

Starscream: I CAN'T REMEMBER NUMBEEEEEERRRRS!

Airachnid: Megatron needs to get a psychologist on this ship before you go completely insane.

Starscream: DO NOT TALK TO ME, IMPOSTER. I WILL TEAR OUT YOUR SPARK AND EAT IT FOR BREAKDOWN.

Starscream: I meant breakfast.

Airachnid: You completely destroyed the mood with that mistake.

* * *

Optimus: Ratchet, I believe I am addicted.

Ratchet: Addicted? To what?

Optimus: Energon coffee.

Ratchet: ENERGON COFFEE?!

Optimus: Yes. I am, of now, feeling extremely hyper, and I cannot stop shivering.

Ratchet: I. Am. Done.

Optimus: Blame Miko. She talked me into this.

Ratchet: DONE. WITH. EVERYTHING.

* * *

Knock Out: Breakdown, where did you put my blubber?

Breakdown: Um…as in whale blubber? I dunno.

Knock Out: What nonsense are you talking about? I need my buff-girl!

Breakdown: What do you have on your autocorrrrrect, Knock Out?

Breakdown: A buff girl?

Knock Out: I have reasons, okay? Where is my b-u-f-f-e-r?

Breakdown: Underneath your broth…

* * *

Shockwave: Lord Megatron, I have acquired another Predacon bone.

Megatron: Dat ass, Shockwave.

Shockwave: Excuse me, Lord Megatron?

Megatron: I said, Dat ass, Shockwave.

Shockwave: …I will comm you when you are not overcharged.

Megatron: Overcharged? I am not Dat ass, Shockwave.

Shockwave: Goodbye. I must return to work. This conversation is not logical.

Megatron: Has Soundwave been tampering with Dat ass, Shockwave.

Megatron: PRIMUS! I meant Dat ass, Shockwave.

Megatron: …Never mind, Dat ass, Shockwave.

* * *

**_Like it? Hate it? Review!_**

**_Soundwave, you Mastermind of a Troll..._**

**_Only Predaking, Skylynx, and Darksteel can flame._**

**_Because FIRE._**

**_*gets run over by a train*_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**I'm sorry for the lack of updates.**_

_**Flames will be used to eradicate the ladybugs that have infested my house.**_

_**Kickwarp doesn't own Transformers Prime, Care Bears, or Paranormal Activity.**_

* * *

Megatron: STARSCREAM! HAVE YOU BEEN MESSING WITH MY HOLOFORM?!

Starscream: No, Master…why?

Megatron: I now look like a Care Bear…

Starscream: A what now?

Megatron: …You haven't watched Care Bears?

Starscream: No.

Megatron: Soundwave showed me. It's rather fascinating. BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHO BROKE MY HOLOFORM?

Starscream: Ask Knock Out. He probably has a very good idea of who did.

* * *

Optimus: Megatron, I have finally found out a way to overthrow you without shedding Energon.

Megatron: Oh, really?

Optimus: [insert picture here] Yes.

Megatron: …

Megatron: So I wore a big pink dress? What about this? [insert picture here]

Optimus: How did you get that?

Megatron: Oh, Soundwave…

Optimus: Let us make a deal. I will not share the photo of you in a dress, and you will not share the photo of me in a femme frame with makeup on.

Megatron: Decepticons do not make deals, dear Optimus. :]

Optimus: I am royally slagged, aren't I?

* * *

Knock Out: Soundwaaaave, you devil, you. I need a groundbridge! ;)

Soundwave: ?

Knock Out: What?

Soundwave: :L

Knock Out: What's wrong?

Soundwave: ';)'

Knock Out: Have a problem with winking?

Soundwave: :C

Knock Out: …I'm guessing you took it creepily, along with that sentence, didn't you?

Soundwave: :S

Knock Out: Sorry.

Knock Out: You Terrorcon, you! :D

Soundwave: -_-

* * *

Starscream: Do I look like a cat?

Airachnid: What?

Starscream: Soundwave keeps sending me pictures of myself, along with cats.

Airachnid: …Hmm. I never really considered it. I always thought you looked like a llama.

Starscream: A what now?

Airachnid: Oh, never mind. You actually look like an elephant when you wear the Apex Armor.

Starscream: A what?

Airachnid: Forgive me, a rat without it.

Starscream: I'm confused.

Airachnid: You need to be schooled in Earth animals, don't you?

Airachnid: If you were wondering, Megatron is a shark.

Airachnid: Dreadwing is a moth.

Airachnid: Knock Out is a parrot.

Airachnid: Soundwave is a wolf.

Airachnid: I really love spiders.

Airachnid: You're a fly.

Starscream: I am very confused now.

* * *

Dreadwing: Lord Megatron, what does 'twerk' mean?

Megatron: Ask Soundwave.

Dreadwing: I did. He refused to turn around.

Megatron: Ask Knock Out.

Dreadwing: He did a motion with his aft, and wouldn't spit out a word.

Megatron: Ask Airachnid.

Dreadwing: …She just stared at me a bit funny.

Megatron: Ask Breakdown.

Dreadwing: He glitched with laughter.

Megatron: For the love of Primus…

Megatron: The Google definition is 'dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance'.

Dreadwing: …that is all I needed to know.

Megatron: Yes.

Dreadwing: I feel uncomfortable now.

Megatron: Yes.

* * *

Breakdown: I hate butterflies.

Knock Out: I would like to question the origin of that statement.

Breakdown: I dunno. I just really hate butterflies all of a sudden.

Knock Out: …Mhm. What did Airachnid do?

Breakdown: Filled my quarters with butterflies.

Knock Out: Why?

Breakdown: Because I said her extra legs were weird.

Knock Out: Surely it can't be that bad.

Breakdown: They're under my plating.

Knock Out: I take it back, and suggest that you go find a lake, and take a little swim.

Breakdown: Im locked in…D:

Knock Out: I'm just going to take my Energon prod and find Airachnid. Be there in a moment.

Breakdown: I'm going to crush whoever is selling her these bugs cuz it's getting out of hand.

Knock Out: It's out of hand, alright. She's just beset a bunch of grasshoppers on me.

Knock Out: What's next, snakes?

* * *

Starscream: I'm not scared.

Soundwave: ?

Starscream: I am watching Paranormal Activity, and I am not scared.

Soundwave: XD

Starscream: I AM NOT SCARED!

Soundwave: ;D

Starscream: I am not scared, I am not scared, I'M NOT SCARED!

Soundwave: :P

Starscream: Really, I don't know how Knock Out finds it scary…

Soundwave: :D

Soundwave: ?

Soundwave: :L

Soundwave: :O

Starscream: I'M NOT SCARED! I'M NOT HIDING IN A STORAGE CLOSET! I'M NOT ANYTHING!

Soundwave: :P

* * *

Shockwave: Knock Out, I am missing a vial of Synthetic Energon. Do you know of its location?

Knock Out: No. Should I?

Shockwave: Because it is to my understanding that you were the last person to step into the Laboratory.

Knock Out: Oh, come on, Shockwave. I wouldn't steal it.

Shockwave: I am unsure of that statement.

Knock Out: I'm not stupid.

Shockwave: I am also unsure of that.

Knock Out: Starscream might have taken it.

Shockwave: I will do a thorough search of your quarters unless you bring it right back.

Knock Out: Alright! Alright! I'll be right there!

Shockwave: That is what I thought.

* * *

**_Like it? Hate it? Review!_**

**_Lawl, I need to get a life..._**

**_...no, I don't. _**

**_:D_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Kickwarp owns nothing_**

* * *

Knock Out: DECK THE HALLS WITH GASOLINE! FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!

Optimus: Uh…who is this?

Knock Out: LIGHT A MATCH AND WATCH THE SCENE! FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!

Optimus: Is this a Decepticon?

Knock Out: WATCH THE PEOPLE RUN AND SCREAM! FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!

Optimus: Hey! Have you heard of the I Like Trains kid?

Knock Out: …

Optimus: He's pretty cool, but I think there's something wrong with him.

Knock Out: T.T

Optimus: I don't know if he's cursed, or if it's something with his brain.

Knock Out: I hate you.

Optimus: But the only thing he ever says is "I like trains."

Knock Out: You're fat.

* * *

Airachnid: I threw a kid in the well.

Soundwave: ?

Airachnid: Don't ask me, I'll never tell.

Soundwave: :O

Airachnid: I'll regret this in hell, but he was in my way.

Soundwave: o.o

Airachnid: I'll trade your spark for a wish, damnation and sin for a kiss.

Soundwave: O.O

Airachnid: I wasn't looking for this, but you were in my way.

Soundwave: DX

Airachnid: Your glare was holding, ripped spleen, skin was rolling.

Soundwave: D: D: D: D:

Airachnid: Dark night, blood was flowing, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, BABY?!

Soundwave: :L

Airachnid: HEY, I JUST KILLED YOU! I'M FRAGGING CRAZY!

Soundwave: :(

Airachnid: BUT THEY'LL NEVER FIND YOU, SO RUST THERE MAYBE!

Soundwave: B[

* * *

Starscream: Lord Megatron, are you there?

Megatron: STARSCREEEEEAM!

Starscream: What?!

Megatron: We're supposed to be singing! This is a singing chapter! Stop breaking everything!

Starscream: Me? You just broke the fourth wall!

Megatron: Soundwave told me that it was YOU!

Starscream: I was just filling in a status report! I thought that's what this chapter is about!

Megatron: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL AND SING!

Starscream: SING WHAT?!

Megatron: A SONG!

Starscream: WHAT SONG?!

Megatron: ANY SONG!

Starscream: LIKE WHAT?!

Megatron: THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER WENT UP THE WATER SPOUT! DOWN CAME THE RAIN, AND WASHED THE SPIDER OUT!

Starscream: STOP ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER!

Megatron: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!

Starscream: I'M NOT!

Megatron: OUT CAME THE SUN AND DRIED UP ALL THE RAIN! AND THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER CLIMBED UP THE SPOUT AGAIN!

Starscream: …I need therapy for processor damage after seeing that.

Megatron: I SAID, STOP ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER!

Starscream: I SAID THAT FIRST!

Megatron: JACK AND JILL WENT UP THE HILL TO FETCH A PAIL OF WATER! JACK FELL DOWN AND BROKE HIS CROWN AND FRAGGIT STARSCREAM STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL

* * *

Wheeljack: Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.

Ratchet: Pardon?

Wheeljack: Down the road I go, sliding all the way.

Ratchet: What are you doing?

Wheeljack: I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.

Ratchet: Yes. You do.

Wheeljack: My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Ratchet: Obviously.

Wheeljack: Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.

Ratchet: Ouch…

Wheeljack: I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.

Ratchet: You'd better.

Wheeljack: The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.

Ratchet: The pain.

Wheeljack: Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

Ratchet: I think I need to run some scans on your processor, Wheeljack…

* * *

Megatron: WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!

Dreadwing: Huh?

Megatron: …First Starscream, and now you?

Dreadwing: We weren't filled in on what was supposed to happen in this chapter.

Megatron: I cannot believe the incompetence of my crew. AND THE FACT THAT THEY KEEP BREAKING MY FRAGGING FOURTH WALL

* * *

Breakdown: Everybody do the flop!

Knock Out: No…don't do the flop, Breakdown…you'll end up losing your last optic.

Breakdown: But

Knock Out: NO.

Breakdown: MINE TURTLE!

Knock Out: Hello!

* * *

Starscream: You know you love me, I know you care.

Megatron: STARSCREEEEEAM!

Starscream: What?! I'm singing!

Megatron: THAT…IS NOT A SONG!

Starscream: T.T

Megatron: NEVER SING THAT TO ME AGAIN!

Starscream: …But but but

Megatron: OR I WILL INCINERATE YOU

Starscream: Yes, Lord Megatron.

* * *

**_LIKE ITTTT HATE ITTTT REVIEWWWWW_**


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